- 325 Central NW
- Open Late:
- Made With Love:
- $$$ Website
It should be a tried-and-true recipe for success: Irish pub + sports TV + downtown location + pretty good bartenders. So how is it that Maloney’s can go so terribly wrong so terribly often?
A short interview with friends pinpointed it rather well:
- “It’s just… low class.”
- “It’s where all the douchey Air Force guys hang out.”
- “FRAT CITY.”
- “The food sucks.”
- “Man, once I paid $8 for 6 mozzarella sticks.”
And, perhaps worst of all,
- “They’re a chain out of AZ.”
We can’t hate everything about Maloney’s. The bartenders are nice and pour heavy, and the waitstaff isn’t terrible. And the patio is fabulous! In the summer! …If you’re a smoker! And don’t mind the odd homeless person’s request for one of those cigarettes.
But, the bad crap tends to outweigh the good: the wilted salads are almost as unappetizing as the bouncers constantly breaking up fights between douchebags, which doesn’t help a girl to feel safe. The ID scanning device sends the ACLU into apoplectic fits. (Of course, they do have an uncommon number of underage drinkers come knocking. Maybe if they didn’t hold such “appeal” for the upcoming generation, they wouldn’t have to verify your citizenship before you can get in to battle fratboys for that questionably-worth-it heavy pour.)
If you’re looking for an Irish pub, hit up O’Niell’s. If it’s a Tuesday afternoon in June, you’re stuck downtown for a few hours and you want a place to smoke a cigarette and drink a pint of PBR by all means, hit up
Maloney’s. Just don’t order the food or stay past dark, and you oughtta’ be fine the Blackbird Buvette. It’s a block away, the food’s right, the brews are local, and the money stays that way, too.