Roper’s

Roper’s is the one place your grandpa doesn’t want you and your friends to find out about, because he likes having the breakfast joint all to himself.

You’ve probably driven past the place several times on your way up or down Central, and you’ve seen the sign — right next to that boot place. If someone asks if you’ve been there, you’ve probably vaguely remembered it and muttered something about, “Isn’t that the gay bar…?” We’re here to tell you that no, it’s not the gay bar (that’s Sidewinders), and you need to stop fooling around and get yourself in there.

While they boast “the best happy hour in town” (and who doesn’t?), what they’re really good for is their breakfast. Get there before 9am on a Saturday or Sunday so you can beat the rush.

And then get something awesome to eat. Everything comes with two eggs and your choice of meat. Yeah, it’s that kind of place. But to break the ol’ Denny’s feeling, they’ve New Mexicaned it up, and very creatively. Our suggestion? The Santa Fe pancakes — three hotcakes made from blue corn, cheddar and piñon nuts stacked nice and fluffy with a side of maple syrup. Seriously. They also offer regular cream gravy and green chile cream gravy, because this is Albuquerque, and that is what we do.

The decor is distinctly Old West, and the music is country. The clientele are typically well past 50 and if you eavesdrop just right, you’ll hear a story about a recent trip to Ireland or Scotland to visit “the homeland”. It’s a charming place, if you’re not offended by meat eating and quite possibly Republican voting (we haven’t asked). It’s certainly family-friendly, and the waitstaff will help you put a table together for six or more if you need it.

Ladies, the bathroom has a weird quirk to it. There’s a stall, and then outside the stall, there’s another toilet. So… go with a really good friend? We don’t know. Knock before entering, at least, and if you’re in there alone, we recommend locking the outside door. Unless you want a really interesting moment with someone else’s grandma.

One thing we know for sure is that you won’t leave hungry.